


What Doesn't Make You Stronger

by corvidcall (anathema15)



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Everyone is Dead, Gen, Well maybe a little sorry, everyone dies and im not sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2016-07-21
Packaged: 2018-07-25 21:17:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7547572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anathema15/pseuds/corvidcall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>I'll say</i>
  <br/>
  <i>Whatever doesn't make me stronger, kills me</i>
  <br/>
  <i>But it's gonna be a long year</i>
  <br/>
  <i>Until the hospital can find hope in me</i>
</p><p> </p><p>The funny thing is, Taako is the first one to go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Doesn't Make You Stronger

**Author's Note:**

> my first adventure zone fic and one of the longest one-shot fics ive written. please enjoy my self-indulgent angst
> 
> come say hi to me at http://corvidcall.tumblr.com/

The funny thing is, Taako is the first one to go.

Or. Well. Not funny, really. The laughter that bubbles in Magnus's throat is from panic more than humor, because there is something so fundamentally _wrong_ about seeing Taako fall slowly to the ground, three crossbow bolts sticking out of his chest. He spits blood on the ground, and Magnus knows he needs to be doing something, ANYTHING, but FUCK, there's nothing to be done. Merle's knocked out, and there's a veritable legion of goblins between Magnus and either of them, and he has no magic, no spells, nothing that can help any of his friends from this distance. He can't remember the last time in his life that he felt so useless, and he takes it out on every goblin between him and Taako and Merle.

Merle's fine- a little bruised, and he very well might have a concussion, but he's fine. 

Taako's dead before they can get to him, blood leaking from the corner of his mouth, and, suddenly, everything seems to stop for a moment. A rift opens behind them, filling the cavern with white light.

"Hello, boys," says a voice, and before he even turns around, Magnus recognizes it as Kravitz. He's pretty sure he hasn't heard that sort of accent on anyone else in his life. "Been a while."

Taako sits up, surrounded by a faint, ethereal glow. He looks... fine, actually, but when Magnus looks down, his body is still on the ground.

"Well," he says, looking down at his body, still covered in blood, "Fuck."

Magnus can't help but laugh a little.

"Yeah," he says, "Fuck."

Taako laughs, too, and stands up, brushing off his skirt, even though no dirt is on it.

"Hey, Kravitz," he says, "Miss us?"

"Not particularly," Kravitz says, "But time is different in the Astral Plane. Hasn't really been that long."

"Aww you missed us."

Kravitz sighs, and Taako chuckles, stepping over his own body to head towards him.

"So, you sorted all that bounty stuff out, right?" Taako asks, "I'm not in trouble or anything? Don't wanna spend my eternity in some prison. I'm delicate, you know."

"I got rid of your bounty when I said I did," Kravitz says, "And then _again_ , when you three _kept doing it._ "

Taako furrows his brows, looking from Kravitz to Magnus.

"Did we die?" he asks, "I mean, I died, obviously, just now. But other than that?"

"Refuge," Kravitz supplies tersely, and recognition fills Taako's features.

"Right, okay," he says, "I guess we did die there. A lot."

Magnus nods dumbly. He can't seem to stop looking at Taako's body, still cold and lifeless on the ground, while Taako's... spirit? ghost? is standing around and chatting pleasantly as if he hadn't just been killed by goblins.

"Well, I fixed it," Kravitz says, "So, you're welcome."

"We didn't ask you to do that...?" Magnus says. He feels like he can't follow this conversation, and he tries not to think that maybe it's because he's the only participant that's alive. Maybe it's just because he's the only one that seems thrown by the fact that Taako is dead. He wishes Merle wasn't unconscious, so he'd at least have someone to share this weird feeling with.

"I... may have gotten a promotion for that whole 'preventing the apocalypse' thing," Kravitz says, seeming almost... sheepish.

"So, basically, you owe us, is what you're saying," Taako says, with a small smug smile.

"I don't like to be in people's debt," Kravitz says, "And besides. If you three had the bounty you deserved, someone else would have come along to take you. Couldn't have that. I wanted to do it myself, to make sure it actually stuck."

"Aw, you like us."

Kravitz sighs, and Taako practically giggles.

"You know, I don't _normally_  do this-" Kravitz starts, and Taako waves his hand dismissively.

"Yeah, yeah, we're honored," he says, "Just let me say a quick goodbye and then we'll be on our way, okay?"

He turns to Magnus, and before Magnus can say anything, Taako is pulling him into a hug. Taako still smells like vanilla, but he's cold; it's like hugging a Taako-shaped statue.

"When I said that I missed when we fought goblins in caves like _normal_  adventurers," Taako says, "This isn't exactly what I meant."

Magnus laughs. There are tears pricking at the corners of his eyes.

"Sorry I died."

"Yeah, well. Don't do it again."

Taako laughs, and Magnus starts to cry in earnest, his face buried in Taako's slim shoulder.

"Aw, cmon," Taako says, "Not like this is forever, right? You'll see me again eventually."

Magnus squeezes him tighter, to the point where Taako would normally have started complaining that he couldn't breathe.

"Okay, big guy, you gotta let me go," Taako says, and Magnus reluctantly releases his grip. Taako presses a quick kiss to his forehead. "Take your time, okay? I'll save you some macaroons."

"I'll miss you," Magnus says. He wants to ask Taako not to go, but he knows that's stupid and impossible, especially considering Kravitz is there, watching them to make sure Taako actually goes to the Astral plane like he's supposed to. Behind them, Merle stirs, and Taako steps back over his own dead body to to go his side.

"Hey, Merle," he says, "You're probably conscious enough to hear me, right? Great. Listen, I died. Not your fault. My bad. Don't beat yourself up over it. Kravitz is here and he says hi, too. I'll see you when you get to the Astral plane, okay? Keep Magnus safe." He kisses Merle's forehead, too, before coming back over to Kravitz's side.

"Okay, I'm good to go," he says, "Hey, you guys fans of Sizzle It Up with Taako there on the Astral plane?"

"Never heard of it."

"Damn."

Kravitz holds out his hand, and Taako takes it, pausing briefly to turn back to Magnus.

"Hey, Magnus," he says, "If you see Klaarg, tell him......" he trails off and shakes his head. "Never mind. I'll tell him myself when he gets here. Hey, Kravitz, do you like macaroons?"

Kravitz's answer is lost as the two of them step through the portal. It closes behind them, leaving Magnus behind, standing in the cavern with Merle, who was slowly coming back into consciousness, and Taako's cold, lifeless body, at his feet.

 

Turns out, the Rites of Remembrance suck when it's someone you actually cared about. Magnus has really only seen it properly done for Boyland, but now pretty much the whole Bureau has turned out for this, all of them packed into the Voidfish's chambers. 

It's been almost a month since Magnus came back to the moon base, carrying a wounded Merle and Taako's corpse, which he couldn't rightly leave in a nondescript cavern, like he was just another nameless goblin.

Merle shoves a flagon into one of Magnus's hands, and Magnus nods with thanks. He doesn't trust himself to speak right now- not without crying, and he promised himself that he wouldn't cry today.

People around them are sharing their favorite stories about Taako, but none of them really seem to express the entirety of him. Magnus wants to say something about the way Taako seemed to light up any room he was in, the undeniable _presence_  he possessed, the way he captured the hearts and minds and imaginations of people he didn't even like, with or without magic. Or even more mundane things- the sharp point of his nose. His immaculately manicured nails. His loud, barking laugh. Gone, gone, all gone, and soon to be forgotten permanently by everyone outside this room.

Magnus can't help but think back to Ren in Refuge, saying that Taako was the reason she started cooking. He thinks way back to when he was still an apprentice carpenter, and Taako's show came to Ravensroost. It was all anybody talked about for months.

No one will ever talk about it again. Ren's memories will grow foggy, and be replaced by some other vague person inspiring her to cook. She won't be able to put a name or face to the person. The meaning will stay, but Taako will no longer be a part of it. Magnus realizes this, and wishes he hadn't.

"I kinda thought I would be the first to go," he says, suddenly. The people around him fall silent so they can listen; it's the first thing he's said all day. "I mean, not to be grim or anything-"

"Well, it _is_  a funeral," Merle mutters, and Magnus actually almost smiles.

"-but I really did think I'd die before him. Since, well, you all know me. 'Magnus rushes in' and whatever." There are some scattered chuckles. Magnus takes a long drink from his flagon. "So, what I'm trying to say is that I really wasn't prepared for this. I'm- I'm not the best with words. I guess I'll just say... uh..." ( _He's fine. He's in a better place. He's hanging out with Kravitz and making macaroons. I'll see him soon. We'll all see him again soon._ ) "I miss him. He hasn't been gone long, but... nothing is the same without him. I miss him."

( _Don't cry don't cry don't cry_ )

He can't think of anything else to say, which is just as well, because he's pretty sure everyone in the room has caught on to how thick his voice is, and they all know that he'll break down if he has to say anything else. He seriously considers making a hasty retreat while Merle is in the middle of telling everyone how the three of them met in that bar in Neverwinter, what feels like lifetimes ago, but Magnus feels someone take his hand. When he looks down, its Angus, his face covered with tears and snot, both of which he's attempting to wipe away with a handkerchief the Director gave him.

Magnus gently squeezes his hand, and the two of them stand together quietly as they feed all the information about Taako to the Voidfish. Magnus feels like part of himself is erased along with it.

 

He's almost glad Taako died instead of him, because having to continue doing his job without him is probably the worst thing Magnus has ever had to do. He feels empty.

Magnus is glad Taako doesn't have to live through this, and if the emptiness in his chest is one last wound he can take in Taako's place, he'll be glad for it.

 

It's just him and Merle now. The Director, after maybe 6 months of them being a duo, suggested maybe trying to find another member to bring them back up to a trio again, but Magnus deflected with an offhand comment about how maybe now they could finally get a dog. Rehashing the same old argument about whether you could have a dog on the moon felt easy and familiar, and distracted everyone from the subject of replacing Taako until it was time for Magnus and Merle to leave.

"Yeah," Merle says, when the two of them are climbing into their transport to the next Grand Relic, "I think it's better with just the original gang."

Magnus actually smiles, faintly. It feels good to be understood.

"We're almost done, anyway," Magnus says, "I think we can get the last two Relics on our own."

"Okay, but can we do it without destroying any more cities?"

"Uh. Maybe? A solid 'maybe'."

Merle laughs, and then they're on their way.

 

They get the sixth Relic with surprising ease, which, in retrospect, Magnus should have seen as a trap. They grab the Relic- Magnus hadn't really been listening when the Director described what it was or what it did, but it looked like a strange sort of metal earpiece. Merle shoved it in his bag so they don't need to worry about it while they try to navigate their way out. They're in some sort of underground puzzle chamber thing, where columns collapse if they step on the wrong tile, and there's a suspicious clicking every time they stop moving, like something is counting down. Magnus kind of hates puzzles. He always wanted to like them, and he loves the _idea_  of them, but he can never quite get himself to think the way they need him to. Especially not when his life is in danger.

He steps on a tile and it sinks down under the weight of his foot. He curses under his breath and rolls out of the way as a huge stone column comes crashing down.

"Merle!" he calls out, when he's righted himself again, "You okay?"

"I'll be great when after we get out of here!"

Magnus barks a laugh. Nothing's particularly funny, but they haven't been out on any sort of adventure since Taako died, and Magnus only really feels like himself when his adrenaline's pumping. He doesn't feel good now, but he certainly feels better than he has in weeks.

He hears Merle swear behind him, and another column crashing down, and then... nothing. Magnus feels his stomach drop.

"No," he says, turning on his heel and running in the opposite direction, "No no no no no-"

He manages to push the crumbling column off Merle, and, through some miracle, Merle is still breathing. Magnus picks him up easily, as well as the bag containing the very important Relic that they risked their lives for, though it means almost nothing to him. He can hear the Thrall of it in the back of his mind, but it doesn't have anything of interest to offer him.

He calls for their transport with an edge of desperation in his voice, telling the Director that yeah, they got the Relic, whatever, who fucking cares, Merle is _hurt_ , and clings to Merle the whole way back to the moon base, barely even registering that Merle had stopped breathing, because it was too painful to acknowledge.

 

Magnus doesn't go to Merle's Rites of Remembrance.

He figures he already went to Taako's. Merle's cant possibly be much different- and certainly not better. Taako's hurt enough when he still had Merle to commiserate with. Now he's got no one but a bunch of mostly-strangers and almost-friends. He spends the day sitting alone in the living room he once shared with the rest of his team, staring at nothing in particular.

There's a soft knock at his door, and he doesn't even look up at the noise.

"It's open," he says. The door opens, and it's Angus.

"You didn't come to the Rites of Remembrance," he says.

"Yeah."

Angus frowns, and before Magnus really has time to react, he's worming his way into Magnus's arms. He's a little to big to be sitting on laps, but it kind of works, and Magnus actually feels a little better having him there.

"It's okay to be sad," Angus says, his arms wrapped around Magnus's neck, "I'm sad, too."

Magnus hadn't gone to the Rites because he didn't want other people to see him get emotional; he didn't want anyone else to see him weak. 

"We knew it was dangerous when we signed up," Magnus says, but his wavering voice betrays him.

"You're still allowed to be sad about it."

And then Magnus can't hold it in any longer, and he's crying into Angus's shoulder. Truth be told, Magnus has always been a crier, but he didn't generally like other people to _know_  that. He didn't want people to know how deeply things affected him. Angus is crying, too, he thinks, which makes sense. He's just a kid.

"Sorry," Magnus says, when he can control his voice again. He doesn't let Angus go, which Angus doesn't seem to mind.

"It's okay," Angus says, "I miss them, too."

Magnus wants to tell Angus that they're in a better place; they're in the Astral Plane, eating macaroons with Kravitz and not having to worry about anything anymore. But Magnus still doesn't really understand all that shit- certainly not enough to explain it to Angus, who's bound to have all sorts of questions that only Lucas would be fully qualified to answer. And since Magnus told Lucas he'd kill him if he ever saw him again, he probably wouldn't be super eager to explain the intricacies of alternative dimensions.

Besides, it wouldn't change the fact that Merle and Taako weren't there anymore. It wouldn't make Magnus not miss them, and Gods, Magnus misses them. He can't believe that two people he met randomly in a bar in Neverwinter would have come to mean so much to him that he felt lessened by their absence, but here he was, weeping in his dark living room and relying on a child for emotional support.

He takes a deep breath, trying to steady himself.

"Did... Did I ever tell you how we met?" he says. He's starting to understand why people share stories at the Rites of Remembrance. It's cathartic, and it feels important to have other people know these stories when no one else can possibly remember anymore.

Angus shakes his head and settles into a more comfortable position on Magnus's lap. Magnus almost smiles before starting his story.

 

Magnus finds a grey hair in his sideburns. The truth is, he's getting old, and he's tired.

But he's the only one who can do what he does.

There's no one else left.

 

"I don't like the idea of sending you out on your own," the Director says, frowning.

"Well," Magnus says, "If you've got any other Reclaimers stashed away somewhere, I'd be happy to have them."

The Director sighs.

"I know you're our only Reclaimer, Magnus," she says, "But that doesn't mean I have to like the idea of sending you in without backup."

"I'll be fine," he says, though they both know there's no way to guarantee that, and that they've both had to realize exactly how dangerous this job is after losing Merle and Taako. "I'll keep in touch the entire time. And, besides. It's not like we've really got any other choices, right?"

"...I suppose not," she says, begrudgingly, and fills him in on the last Relic.

"We call it the Necromantic Diadem," she says, "Supposedly, it gives the bearer total control over life and death."

She gives Magnus a pointed look, which he just as pointedly ignores. He doesn't need to bring Taako and Merle back. They're just in the Astral Plane. It's fine. It's FINE.

"Alright," Magnus says, "So, it can bring people back from the dead, I guess? Can it do anything else?"

"It can kill people."

"Yeah, but that's not special. So could every other Grand Relic. Or, like, any weapon. Or a rock."

The Director gently rubs her temple, and Magnus wonders if it's easier to put up with him now that there's only one of him, and he's not aided by Merle and Taako, or if it's harder, since she feels obligated to be nice to him now that the rest of his team is dead, and she doesn't feel good about telling him to shut up and pay attention.

"So, where is this thing?" he asks. The Director looks slightly relieved at him getting back to business.

"It was hidden away in a cavern many years ago, to keep it safe."

"Oh, like the gauntlet."

The Director nods.

"Because it's underground, and because we don't know how easy it will be to navigate after so much time, Leon has assembled some explosives for you, in case you need to forcibly excavate a path."

"...Alright," Magnus says, "Sounds good. Let's do it."

It's not long before he's got all his things in order and heads to the transport. Avi's there waiting, as he usually is, and Angus is there beside him, looking like he's already started worrying even though Magnus hasn't even left yet. Magnus ruffles Angus's hair affectionately on his way out. 

 

The journey into the cavern isn't as difficult as Magnus thought it would be. Even though it's clear that no one's been here in a very, very long time, the path is still relatively clear. There's some evidence of old rock slides, and old, overgrown foliage, but even through his Lens of Straight-Creepin', Magnus can't detect any signs of footprints inside the actual cave.

It's a long trek inside, and the cave seems to go deeper and deeper into the earth. After what feels like hours of just walking, Magnus comes to a large door.

"Huh," he says, putting his hands on his hips and surveying it, "Guess this is probably the place."

He tries pushing it open, but it doesn't move, and he pauses to pull his thieves tools out of his bag. If brute force didn't work, might as well try the things Carey taught him. 

After several long minutes with his ear pressed against the door, he hears the tumblers click, and the door opens. 

"Guess it was mostly secured by it's location, huh?" Magnus says, putting his thieves tools back in his bag, "I mean, if _I_  can pick the lock..."

He enters the room, looking around for hidden traps. There's nothing that he can see; the room itself is mostly empty, walls and floor and ceiling all made of the same smooth stone, and it contains nothing beside a simple chest and a skeleton wearing a red robe. Magnus whistles, looking at it.

"Shit, even _you_  guys thought this one was a bad idea, huh?" He knows the Relic he was sent here for is in the chest, and he can feel the Thrall of it, spreading like oil across his mind.

_You could bring them back,_ it seems to say, as he opens the chest to find a small crown, made of silver and shaped into thorny vines. _You won't need to be alone anymore._

"I don't need to bring them back," Magnus says, like he'll somehow be able to argue with a piece of jewelry. "I'll see them again eventually."

_But how long will that be? And will they even be the same?_

Magnus hesitates.

_You don't have to be miserable. You can fix it._  We  _can fix it._

"Oh, fuck," he says, "I'm not gonna win this one, am I?"

He's never been taken by the Thrall of the Relics before, and he wonders how long he has to still be himself. He wonders what he could become when he isn't himself any longer. Would the Regulators be able to take him out? If they could, would they be able to do it before he hurt someone else? He'd seen the damage some people had done with the other Relics, the destruction of Phandalin, the near disaster of Lucas's lab. He didn't want to ever do anything like that.

He thinks, suddenly, _If I'm going to die, I want to die as myself._

"Hey, Ango, you there?" he says into his stone of far-speech as he reaches into his pack.

"Hello, sir!" Angus says, "Did you need something?"

"Uh, no, no, I'm good," he says, pulling some of the explosives Leon gave him before he left, "Just thought I'd check in. See how you're doing."

"Oh! Um! I'm doing alright. Thank you for asking."

"Great, great," Magnus sets all the explosives he has at the base of the door into the chamber, "Hey, I left Steven in my room. Can you take care of him for me?"

"Yes, sir, of course, I- wait, why? Won't- won't you be home soon?"

Magnus doesn't really respond, and he knows Angus is smart enough to figure out what's happening, even if he doesn't really want to believe it.

"Magnus?"

"You're a good kid, Angus," he says, "Tell the Director that this one's probably gonna be safe for a while, even if I can't get it back to base."

"Magnus-!"

"Seeya."

The explosives go off, and Magnus turns his stone of far-speech off as the cavern collapses around him.

 

"Well, well, well," says a smooth, accented voice, "Magnus Burnsides."

Magnus blinks slowly. Standing over him is Kravitz, a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.

"Took you long enough," Kravitz says, and holds out a hand. Magnus takes it and lets Kravitz pull him to his feet.

"So," Magnus says, "This is the Astral Plane? I thought it'd be more..."

"What, the land of the dead not everything you'd hoped it'd be?"

"No, no, it's fine. It's nice." He has a lot of questions he wants to ask, but he can't really seem to find the words. He's a little hung up on the fact that he's dead. "So, what happens now?"

Before Kravitz has a chance to respond, Magnus hears someone behind them scream his name. When he turns around, he sees Taako running towards him, holding his skirt so it doesn't get tangled in his legs, with Merle beside him, keeping up easily despite his shorter legs.

"MAGNUS!!!" they shout again.

"GUYS!" he responds laughing. And Magnus rushes in to meet them.


End file.
